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The fear of wasting your life.

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I sit here flustered; surrounded by the hopeful promise of academic success hidden in the guise of library books. My walls littered with motivational quotes placed alongside graduate scheme leaflets, certificates hung proudly to indicate some sort kind of extra-curricular achievement. Yet here I remain, despite evidence to the contrary, crippled by the prospect I am worthless; that I am just not doing enough with my life.
My mentality fluctuates between working hard for success and simply enjoying my life. My Pinterest is victim to this erratic state of confusion, the 'motivation' board a mass of conflicting ideologies. It's a never-ending fear of inadequacy, that achieving in one aspect of your life leaves you limited in another. I am in awe of those people that seem to have it all, who balance both academics with extra-curricular, who do not live in fear of life after graduation, those who seem to have it all figured out.

Even if I excel in one aspect of life, I am always disappointed that I lack experience in the other. Constant murmurings of a difficult job market, conflicting views on how to break into it; it's impossible to feel satisfied with your efforts. Friends, relatives, colleague's successes immerse you in a wave of bitterness, despite the genuine happiness you feel for them, the envious seed of inadequacy remains inescapably set.

What I've learnt from this sense of disillusion, is that it's limiting, it's self-destructive. You must enjoy your life as it is at the minute, not focus on carving out the future at the expense of the present. Nothing in life is for certain, you should spend time doing what you love and hope that translates into what you love in the future. Your mum was right, you can only try your best. So don't panic.
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength."- Corrie Ten Boom

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