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Impending adulthood and workplace rejection.

This morning marked the momentous moment where I received my first job rejection as an official graduate. Horray! I wish I could wake up to these kinds of emails every morning! What a great ego boost for my already fragile sense of self-worth. What a beautiful start to this glorious week ahead.

I imagine my defense mechanising sarcasm is proving a thin veil for the reality of the situation which is, of course, a complete crock of shit. I feel very deflated and my confidence is teetering on rock bottom. Apparently, whilst I am a strong candidate, they just received a lot "stronger ones." Well, cheers Barbara. Why don't you spit in my face and kick me in the crotch whilst you're at it? "You were a strong applicant but we had stronger ones." What a bloomin' horribly apt description of my life. Woe is me, get the violins out. I'm never good enough.

Now, there's a chance I'm overreacting and taking this rejection far too personally. My mum's already reminded me that I didn't really have a clue what the company did (er, not true, they did something analytically with numbers and stuff) and that it is literally the first grad job I've even applied for but, jesus, rejection is just completely demoralising. Yes, it may be true that I don't really know what analytics means and yes, my maths skills are somewhat lacking, to say the least, but... Ok. In retrospect, I think they may have been overcompensating by calling me a 'strong candidate'. But whatever, I'm still sad OK. This hurts more than the eight times I've been rejected by Pizza Hut. 

It's easy being a student because no one really expects much from you. It's hard to be a graduate. It feels like the rug has been pulled from under my blissfully ignorant feet and suddenly there's this new life ahead of me with all these new responsibilities that come along with it and I just don't know where to begin. I don't feel particularly cut out to be an adult yet and that makes me feel like I'm failing. Am I supposed to be mature and responsible now? What does that even entail? Do I buy insurance or something? ADULTS ARE WEIRD AND STRANGE CREATURES AND I DO NOT BELONG WITH THEM. My mums an adult and she is definitely a lot more put together than me.

Everyone around me seems to have it sorted out. Be it a masters lined up, a practical qualification, traveling or a graduate job (what do PwC even do and why does everyone work there?) and I'm just like eyyyyy, deflecting life questions with jokes about taking up heroin or running to be the tory leader. I'm like one of the lost boys, left behind whilst everyone else gets on with life. It's embarrassing, and I feel like I'm letting everyone down. 

I do have an end goal. I want  to write and inspire, and make people laugh and maybe cry. Perhaps I'll have an assistant who knows how to make the perfect cuppa and legions of fans who praise my writing and feign amusement at my terrible jokes. I'll get to write all the time and conduct interviews with famous people who will be left amazed at how totally chill and awesome I am. They'll be BBC2 documentaries about my journalistic brilliance that play between the Bowie tapes and reruns of Escape to the Country. I'll be a national treasure and probably get an OBE from the Queen (who will of course still be alive) and I'll be besties with Caitlin Moran. The only issue is that I don't have a friggin clue how on earth I'm going to get there.

It may not be very adult of me, but I guess for now I'm just winging it. 

Currently watching - Black Books. Currently listening - Catch Me By Surprise - July Jones.


  1. I'm going into my last year of university this September and I so I'll be in the same situation as you this time next next year... and it's daunting! Rejection sucks but you're better off without them and that Barbara anyway! I'm sure better opportunities will come along, hang in there... I know it can't be easy! I love your writing style by the way :) x

    Polly Cat Contemplates

  2. I shouldn't laugh at this but by golly you have a fine way with words!! You should write a novel hun!! Fab post. Sorry to hear about the job but clearly it just wasn't meant to be. There'll be something out there which is perfect for you. And being an adult isn't so bad... I'm 33 now, I find wine helps hugely! ;) xx

  3. I'm still in secondary school and it's weird because a lot of my friends already have jobs, rejection isn't great but there are things you can learn from it and this post is brilliantly written - I'm sure you will be a writer once day! x

  4. I am in exactly the same position as you and it sucks. I've had a few rejections and a few who haven't bothered to say anything (like, what am I supposed to do with that!?) and I've recently signed with a recruitment agency in hope they can bring some meaning to my pathetic graduate life. I 'officially' graduate on Monday, and the closer I get to that day without having found anything yet I the more I just feel like a failure. Here's to winging it!

    Megan / Lazy Thoughts

  5. Haha the end of this post really made me smile. I'm also figuring out 'adulting' and although I have a job lined up, I did have to get it through a ranking system and missed out on my top choices. At least you're being proactive though and actually applying for jobs, while also keeping a sense of where you'd like to eventually end up :)
    Jennifer x
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

  6. Oh man, I relate to this so much! This morning I found myself getting so annoyed about the fact I don't have a grad job yet and my graduation was only a week ago!
    And what you said about not feeling like an adult is so true. I've been reading all these ~career gal~ type blogs for inspiration and omg how do I network? I don't see myself as that type of person and feel stupid because of it.
    Good luck with your job hunt, I hope you get something soon! And if not we can just cry about it together xo
    Shannon Darko