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The Truth About My Blogging Self-Sabotage.

West Yorkshire, UK 01/12/2016
Why, hello there you sexy little beasts, how the devil are ya?

I'm currently writing this as I sit in the bath. There's a joke in there about erotic fiction but I'm so far too spaced out to make it. Take it and run with it how you will.

Anyway, I'm in the bath. Well, half of me is in the bath, my upper half is actually dangling halfway across the bathroom floor. Lush bath bombs may do wonders for my skin but not so much for your brand spanking new iPhone.

OK. Half of me is having a nice soak in the bath and the other half is strategically tapping away at my phone. I'm so glad we've got those logistics sorted.

So, yes. I'm feeling quite calm and relaxed from all the Radox that I'm due to overdose on and so I thought that I'd take that opportunity to write about my blog aims.

For the past week or so I've been considering doing ‘Blogmas.' I thought it would be a prime opportunity to get stuck in with blogging and make the effort to better my content. If we go back to the basics, the first part of that 'bettering' is to create some regularity to that content. 'Cos, in all honesty, my blogging schedule is nonexistent.

So at face value, undertaking ‘Blogmas’ sounds like a crackin’ idea doesn't it? It'd involve consistent daily work and would help towards a greater goal. With that goal being, well, not being a shit blogger. All the self-help books say that this is how you reach an end goal, so that must be the way forward. Right?

The thing is, though, I'm terrified of committing to 'Blogmas.'

I'm an all or nothing person. I struggle with perfectionism and hate to do anything that I'm not 'the best' at. I can take hours longer to do a task that most people could bash out and that's all because I want it to be immaculate. I find it awkward and uncomfortable when it isn't. In fact, I actually find it quite shameful. Ha. There's one for the shrink!

In regards to this blog, that mentality often means I don't commit to writing posts. If I don't think I have the time or means to create good enough content, more often than not, I just won't attempt it at all. If I don't think a blog post is absolutely top notch fucking fantastic, I'll just bin it and not try again for weeks. For years, I put off blogging because I didn't have the 'perfect' camera. Then, it was the perfect layout. I never had it all perfected and so I just did nothing. That just meant that this blog has never got going.

And it's all down to self-sabotage. Dun dun dun.

That's why I'm scared to commit to 'Blogmas.' For so long I have been stuck in a cycle of inspiration, perfectionism, and sabotage that I dunno how to break it. Even writing this post itself is proving difficult. I've chopped and changed so many sentences that I'd actually like to just sack it off altogether. Because it's not perfect. Now I'm starting to see that nothing ever will be good enough and I need to come to terms with that.

So that’s what I’m doing with 'Blogmas'. Just pushing on through the niggles of perfectionism and comfort of self-sabotage. Well, I'm going have a bloody good bash of it anyway.


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